2012 Connection

So after worrying about the longevity of my family lineage for the countless nights due to the imminent 2012 ice age… I have taken it upon myself to create a 2012 Survival Gude: Complete Step by Step, How-To Guide in the hopes that I am able to salvage some of the human race and we can then repopulate the eart after the ice melts (I hope I am there for the repopulation !)

2012 Survival Guide: 9 Steps to Ensure Your Survival:

Step 1:

Realize that shit did really happen and that you're hopelessly screwed...:(

Step 2:

Have mercy on yourself and try to commit suicide (but we both know you don't have the balls to)...

Step 3:

Hunt like crazy for every resource you can find!!!

Step 4:

Utilize your well honed kindergarten hidden treasure stash skills again and hide all the good stuff you find!

Step 5:

Find a few guys who are tougher than you and feed them from your stash in return for protection! (dont skip this step)

Step 6:

Run survival and combat drills with the tough guys so you are prepared for whatever shit might happen next! (never show fear!)

Step 7:

When your tough guys get into fights over who is "King of the Hill", run n' hide! (seriously, pull your best Houdini trick!)

Step 8:

Instruct your tough guys to maintain vigilant patrols at all times! (Remember that you are the brains and leadership of this operation!)

Step 9:

Congrats You Made It! It's warm again! p.s. the tough guys have no need for your meager stash anymore and they are hungry for some real meat... RUN!!!

Get all that down? seriously this is life and death stuff… it’s not like I have all the free time in the world to save your sorry hide… Here is a huge tip for remember these 9 critical steps and securing your leadership power…

Huge Tip:

Tattoo these steps on your body in a "secret code within an image" technique! (Simply Genius!)

There you have it! You now know what needs to be done to survive… so you know the roadmap… and with the secret stash (see Step 4) and Huge Tip (you are now the ONLY one who knows how, don’t tell anybody the code!) effectively securing your leadership position over the clan… you should be in good shape!

Now again, for your legitimate quoted source (because 2012 Apocalypse believers are completely based off of empirical scientific data… ahem! cough!) then this should do it:

“…people perish for a lack of knowledge” – Hosea 4:6