2012 Connection

I’m a Talent!

You’re a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You’re determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You’re not afraid of a fight, and you’re not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you’re already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you’re not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 85%
Lifer: 18%
Mandarin: 41%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

So after worrying about the longevity of my family lineage for the countless nights due to the imminent 2012 ice age… I have taken it upon myself to create a 2012 Survival Gude: Complete Step by Step, How-To Guide in the hopes that I am able to salvage some of the human race and we can then repopulate the eart after the ice melts (I hope I am there for the repopulation !)

2012 Survival Guide: 9 Steps to Ensure Your Survival:

Step 1:

Realize that shit did really happen and that you're hopelessly screwed...:(

Step 2:

Have mercy on yourself and try to commit suicide (but we both know you don't have the balls to)...

Step 3:

Hunt like crazy for every resource you can find!!!

Step 4:

Utilize your well honed kindergarten hidden treasure stash skills again and hide all the good stuff you find!

Step 5:

Find a few guys who are tougher than you and feed them from your stash in return for protection! (dont skip this step)

Step 6:

Run survival and combat drills with the tough guys so you are prepared for whatever shit might happen next! (never show fear!)

Step 7:

When your tough guys get into fights over who is "King of the Hill", run n' hide! (seriously, pull your best Houdini trick!)

Step 8:

Instruct your tough guys to maintain vigilant patrols at all times! (Remember that you are the brains and leadership of this operation!)

Step 9:

Congrats You Made It! It's warm again! p.s. the tough guys have no need for your meager stash anymore and they are hungry for some real meat... RUN!!!

Get all that down? seriously this is life and death stuff… it’s not like I have all the free time in the world to save your sorry hide… Here is a huge tip for remember these 9 critical steps and securing your leadership power…

Huge Tip:

Tattoo these steps on your body in a "secret code within an image" technique! (Simply Genius!)

There you have it! You now know what needs to be done to survive… so you know the roadmap… and with the secret stash (see Step 4) and Huge Tip (you are now the ONLY one who knows how, don’t tell anybody the code!) effectively securing your leadership position over the clan… you should be in good shape!

Now again, for your legitimate quoted source (because 2012 Apocalypse believers are completely based off of empirical scientific data… ahem! cough!) then this should do it:

“…people perish for a lack of knowledge” – Hosea 4:6

Some of the talking heads think that Dec 21 2012 is going to usher in a doom and gloom Ice Age! yikes… I like warm weather… will the warm vacation spots become planets closer to the sun?

The ice age that's going to cut back refrigator power bills...

What can we do to prepare for this coming catastrophy?! Learn how to build igloos? start training our stomachs to eat raw fish? Well the ice age would kill all the trees and then we wouldn’t have fire right? or soil for growing crop, right? wait, wouldn’t it freeze all the water and fish too?! hmm… will the earth still have solar energy in an ice age so we can quickly build a bunch of solar energy stuff just like what already powers calculators?

wait a second! we already have technology that harnesses solar energy (i.e. photo voltaic energy… arrgghh… okay Enstein.. that’s “LIGHT”)? which doesn’t need direct sunlight… just “light”? so what the devil is the business with all this “Jihad in the name of Allah! vs. Smoke the Terrorizers out of their Caves!” stuff if we don’t need oil?! (sorry… off topic… back to 2012 ice age survival)

okay… on a serious note… I have reviewed a multitude of survival guides for extended periods in sub-zero climates and I have found one that will give you the tools and roadmap you need to pull through:

Yay! The think tanks with brilliant research scientists and foremost theoriticians saw the 2012 ice age coming a long time ago and created a How To Survival Manual!!!

Well… ummm… err… okay…

no wait! seriously… Wait! so you might not survive the coming (supposedly) big bad ice age but I tell what ice age the above listed guide will help you break through: the frozen state of your internal vocabulary which has resulted in a frost bitten state of affairs in your family…(maybe? hmm…)

so grab a bunch of blankets… make some hot chocolate… (throw in some popcorn for the rugrats? survival tip: popcorn spills are easier to clean than hot chocolate spills), call the family herd together… and thaw some of those frozen communication channels! you know what they say: “the shortest distance between two people is laughter”   okay I don’t know who said that… but seriously, it’s pretty good, right?

okay well if you really insist on a legitimate quoted source (because 2012 Apocalypse believers are completely based off of empirical scientific data… ahem! cough!) then this should do it:

“A merry heart doeth good like medicine…” – Proverbs 17:22 (that’s quoting King Solomon… wiseguy that one)

What happens when a spiritual practice gets twisted into pop culture...

HAHA! HAHAHAHA! okay… that’s actually not so funny now that I think about it… I mean.. it is funny to see how truly pathetic western judeo christianity is in relation to the true teachings of the Christ Jesus, so I laugh at the “join our club so you get fire insurance” of it… but seriously…. this is what the world is coming to…

sometimes I wonder if a nice big secret planet with a mysterious energy substance that causes a melt down in the cortex hitting the earth on Dec 21 2012 wouldn’t be such a bad idea… I mean think about it: half the bullcrap that happens on a daily basis is teh stuff of monkey randomness… at least then we would biologically look like the way we act

don’t you think that we look far too intelligent for how we act? Deep down inside I would prefer that 2012 bring about an internal change where our actions and lifestyles reflect the intelligence of how we look but that is probably me being naively hopeful…